Why I Removed Jesus

Jesus was briefly a contributor at my main blog, Skeptical Eye, but I removed him. He was just too much to deal with. I mean, I can't compete against that! The Son of God writing original posts? I have enough trouble with Bret.

Should you decide to revive this blog...

Mr. Jakson, this is your mission, and should you decide to accept it, you will be confronted with several obstacles and extreme dangers, including Bret "Ginx" Alan wanting to know why he wasn't invited to blog here also, asking "Why are you a fucking censor Nazi?" and telling you to "fuck off" (and strangely thinking he's gotten away with such insolence), Radio Bloger (one G? WTF?) asking that all his videos that he didn't produce, but just embedded, be removed, even though he hasn't posted here yet, and then, in an act of bizarre self-destruction, removing his own image files and blogs from view, and starts madly deleting himself from existence.

Yes, Mr. Jakson, the challenge is great, the question is, do you have what it takes?

Bicycle Rocket Man

I stopped by Jack-in-the-Box for a quick lunch (Jumbo Jack and onion rings) the other day. I always feel guilty when I eat fried food, but I love onion rings, and most fast food places simply don't sell them, so you gotta love Jack for keeping them on the menu. I normally take my food to go and eat in the car, but I decided to eat in the restaurant this time. I got myself a table and sat down.

An older gentleman brought his food over and sat on one of the metal stools that face the street (it's like sitting at the counter in a diner, but with a window in front of you). He was all dressed in his bike riding gear. A woman asked him how much longer he'd be able to keep riding. "Another sixty years" he replied. He did look very fit and healthy. He was then asked how old he was and he said he was 64. He said he was going to see his 89 year old father and put him on a bike. The woman said something about being worried about getting run over by a car when you ride a bicycle. "No, I'll run them over," he didn't exactly smile as he said it, but he didn't exactly not smile either. "I'll put rockets on my bike and zoom right over those cars," he declared. He opened the wrapper on what looked like a burrito and started to eat. The woman took another bite of her hamburger. "But," she said, "it's such a slow way to get any where."

"No," the burrito eating older bicyclist stated firmly, "the rockets will take care of that problem too!" He put his food down. "And it's sure a lot better than paying those high prices to put gas in a car. I put water in me. That's h2o from hydrogen and oxygen and those are gases and I'll use those to get me where I need to go".

He seemed satisfied with his answers to the woman conversationalist. He turned to face the window while he continued to eat. He finally spoke again. "I'm going to get me a fold-up bike. Weighs about 23 pounds, probably less. I can carry it on my back and when I ride to the store I can just fold it up and take it in with me while I shop".

The woman gathered her things and got up. "Sounds interesting," she said.

"Yes, it is. The one I want to buy costs about three thousand dollars, though."

The woman was about to go out the door. "Is that with or without the rockets?" she asked.

Colonel Sanders and Just for Men

So I happened to be watching Friday Night Fights on Espn this past week and I noticed something incongruous. They had two main sponsors, KFC and the Just For Men brand of hair coloring. The logos for both companies were right there in the ring with the boxers. Colonel Sanders' white-haired visage is the symbol of KFC, but he is obviously satisfied with his "old-man" hair color. This does not show much sympathy for the other sponsor. I have therefore taken it upon myself to correct the matter as seen in the before and after picture above. Harlan Sanders is now a fried chicken king and a babe magnet. Thank you Just for Men!

My New Year's Day

Since we are not yet but less than one week into 2008, I think it is still safe for me to write about my New Year's Day. I have not been feeling good this week, but I have escaped being sick for quite a while, and in fact I don't recall being sick at all during 2007. So maybe starting the new year feeling miserable should not be unexpected. Anyway, it's my excuse for not writing as much as I want or would like to.I got up early on New Year's and watched the Rose Parade, as I do every year. If you check out the link you'll find out the Parade started in 1890, and is never held on a Sunday (if January 1st falls on a Sunday, they have the parade the next day on the 2nd). I don't watch college football, so I didn't have that diversion to look forward to, but I did watch part of the Twilight Zone marathon. I have a friend who watches every year (she's a big Twilight Zone fan) and when I called her she was not interested in talking much, her attention focused on Rod Sterling's TV legacy.

I had been to Walmart and bought some Maruchan Instant Lunches. I haven't really eaten those for a long time, but when I saw them on sale for .25 each I decided to try some of the chicken flavored ones. My first introduction to the food was actually rival brand Cup Noodles (I remember the name as Cup O Noodles at one time) and I've always liked them as a quick meal, maybe with some toast. I had a friend I worked with years ago who kept a large supply of Cup Noodles in his office, and he would eat one whenever he got hungry, which was often. He would fill one of the packages with water and microwave it.
Well, I decided I would have one. I read the package directions on the Instant Lunch and it instructed to heat the water on the stove and pour it into the cup or to heat water in the microwave and then pour into the cup. It did not say to microwave the Styrofoam cup in the microwave with the water already in it. Well, that's how I always saw people in offices and workplaces do it, but I followed directions and since I did not want to go to the trouble of waiting for water to boil on the stove, I just grabbed my glass mug and filled it with water. I drink a lot of tea and most of the time just fill my glass and heat in the microwave. I find the "beverage" setting gets the water hot enough for me, but not that hot. Thinking it would need to be hotter for the Instant Lunch, I set the microwave for 3 minutes on high.The mug was very hot when I pulled it out and I poured the water into the noodles and waited with anticipation. Then I thought I'd have some tea as well and got my cup and without thinking about it filled it with room temperature water. I instantly heard a noise, a little crackle and pop. I noticed immediately that my cup had two cracks on either side all the way to the brim, splitting it in two. The glass held though. But only for a few moments. The front half fell away and I didn't have a chance to catch it as it dropped to the floor, water spilling everywhere. I thought, oh no, I'll have to sweep up little bits of broken glass. But the part that hit the tiled floor didn't shatter. It just bounced and stayed intact. The glass (which I also got from Walmart) is very thick and appears quite strong. But it had been too hot when I'd put the cooler water in it, so while it could survive a fall to the floor without breaking, water did it in. If the timing and circumstances are right, anything is possible and even the strong are vulnerable

Happy New Year

Yes, I know its not January 1. I missed it. But it seems to be traditional to say Happy New Year for at least a week or more after the start of the new year. So, this is my new year greeting. May 2008 be a great year for you and all those you care about. Life is short, so live it to the fullest and never be afraid to take a chance.

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt" -William Shakespeare

Stolen Cookies and a Guilty Conscience

The Day the Cookie Crumbled